When Your Soul Embarks, I'll Follow You Into The Dark
by Lana Archer
Summary: When Damon accepts the aftermath of his decision to leave Bonnie, he makes it his mission to do right by her, for the rest of her life. Departs from canon around Damon's arrival back into Bonnie's life in the ward, circa S7 (and doesn't look back).
1. Overwhelmed

**Note** : I couldn't help myself.

* * *

 _If Heaven and Hell decide, that they both are satisfied_  
 _Illuminate the 'no's' on their vacancy signs_  
 _If there's no one beside you , when your soul embarks_  
 _I'll follow you into the dark_

Overwhelmed.

If you gave Bonnie Bennett the time to catch her breath and make sense of everything her life had become since she'd come into her powers, she'd only be able to give you one word to describe how it all made her feel - _overwhelmed_. Nothing made sense; not the events that led up to this moment, or the day she was sure she was going to have in the morning. For brief moments she remembered feeling in control - at first it was misguided if not imagined, but she could recall instances, however brief, where she understood the point to all of it, where she was at peace with her lot.

Now?

Ever since she lost Elena there'd been this continuous ticking. For so long it had seemed her life's mission was to make sure her best friend saw another day. Through some sick twist of fate and the sicker still humour of Damon's mother and Kai, Bonnie's every effort would forever remain in vain because each breath she took delayed Elena's return. Breaths that finally mattered to her, breaths she couldn't fathom giving up.

Her head and heart grew heavy under the gravity of this clock she felt hanging over her head. She saw it Damon's eyes, Stefan's sometimes, hell, even with Caroline - they all knew what came with the price of her head - but it was the smaller nuances that gave layers to the foreboding and heartache she felt when she realised that there was no way any of them could 'go back to what it was' because what it was, was always an endless battle against the end. And what that mentality did to the idea of her own death, her umpteenth death was making quick work of unraveling her already fickle peace of mind. What the hell was the end in the face of mass hysteria of their every day?

"Say something." Damon's voice pulled her out of the sonorous thrumming of her thinking.

" _Say something_?" Bonnie echoed tersely. "What do I say? And why do _I_ have to be the one to say it?" Damon's eyes were glued to her mouth, he thought she'd be stronger without him - it was about the only thing that'd held him in place when she walked away from him those three years ago. But he'd been wrong. And now everything about her was wrong. Her curls were pressed flat and left hanging in choppy layers, scattered away from her face. Bonnie's eyes were wide and cold, the jade colour giving way for a dullness he found more akin to his own pale blues. Her skin remained smooth, but had hardened somehow, and as he watched her claw and swipe at the promise of tears, he understood.

"Bonnie, I'm so sorry." He said, letting his intent tunnel through his chest and his gaze, to drill into the rubble she'd piled onto herself to hide the things about her that he himself was all too familiar with.

"What does it matter?" She asked. "You **left** me."

He let the sting linger. After all his promises, this is what he'd done to her. What would have also been the last thing he'd done to her if Stefan hadn't woken him up. How could he have let Bonnie live like this? He'd thought her better off, but somehow, she was the only person who seemed to stand a better chance with him in her life and the untimely realisation floored the admittedly still disorientated vampire.

"I thought I was doing the right thing for you. The right thing for Stefan too."

"Do you know what it felt like?" Bonnie whispered lowly, brows lifting with an echo of the spark she'd had. "It felt like I wasn't enough for you to stay. It felt like everything, _everything_ Damon, was so easy for you to leave behind. So easy for you to let **_die_ ** with me," she was crying now, "And that hurt me so much. Because I know you know what we've been through. What I've lost, what I've given up, what I _miss_... every _damn_ day of my life - it's like you took one look at everything I had left and felt nothing for any of it. You made me feel worthless, more than you ever have before and you dropped all of this on me and disappeared out of my life. You took ** _you_** away from me Damon and I _told_ you that day," Her finger stabbed at him from where she stood, " I told you that I didn't want you to go. That I couldn't stomach you being selfish, not when I needed you the most."

"Bonnie, I'm sorry."

"How the fuck does that make the last three years go away?" She exploded, her small frame shuddering with the aftershock of her outburst.

"It doesn't." Damon admitted. She stared at him for a long time.

"You must think so little of me." Bonnie sneered. "Coming in here, with no sign of any excuse for what you did to me."

"Bonnie," How did he explain what it was like to love her and remain as intimidated by her as he was when he first learned she was a Bennett? "I don't know what to say. What do I say?" He echoed her first question back at her. "You know me, it's exactly like you said. The good. The bad. What haunts me. What makes me happy. You know all of it and you still think the world of me. And you know what I think about you, what I've always thought about you - no matter which insult I opted for. But how do I explain how much I love you, how much better I thought a life without me would be for you and how leaving you behind - missing _everything_ ," she found his weighted pause very telling, "I thought it was something only eternity could help me to forget."

"But I'm still here. And Elena is still in a coffin. And you're, what? What do you feel now?' Damon knew she wasn't going to just forgive him, but realising he was pretty much at the same point as when he last saw her, unnerved him.

"I'm relieved. I'm standing here with you." Silence.

"Not good enough." She hissed, the hurt clear as day in her voice.

"What will be?" He asked.

"Damon," Bonnie exhaled, "I'm not going to tell you how to fix this. It's like every time Caroline asked me what she could do to help, I had no answer for her. So she stopped asking. Same with Enzo." She lifted her brows when he pulled a face. "What?"

"Enzo, really?" He spat. "What good ever came from caring about Enzo?"

"You of all people know what desperation does to your choices."

"Nice -"

"Oh, I'm not finished." She seemed to be flying through the stages of grieving faster than they could both keep up with. "I'm so angry, so angry I couldn't even speak when I needed to do something other than cry."

"You weren't alone!" Damon's voice lifted as he grasped at the same straws he'd used to justify the choice to himself at what seemed like just yesterday. "I would never have left you alone."

"Damon," Bonnie said his name like the cocking of a gun, "What do you think happened when my best friend left me alone? After I'd already lost another? After every single member of my family was yanked out of my life because of supernatural circumstance," a ragged breath, "What do you think I was left with when you chose to dessicate? Huh? _What_?"

"I shouldn't have -"

"You're right, but you did." She nodded bitterly, "And now we have nothing to say to one another."

"Bonnie, I have so much to say, I need to apologise, I need to _fix_ this, I _can_ fix this -"

"I don't care, Damon. I'm broken already. You had your chance to apologise to the girl who needed it, but me, this me, now and after everything? I can look you dead in the eye, want to do nothing but hold you until it's cemented in my mind that you're real and you're back and we have each other again - but instead, I'm going to do the same thing you did to me - I'm going to walk away."

And she did.

* * *

Three months later

"What the fuck do you mean, ' _she chose to do it_ '? Don't make me spend the last few seconds you have on this Earth explaining to you how Bonnie never chooses these things, they're like a default setting for her, wanna know why? Because she and _everyone else_ in her life, let her make a habit of putting herself last and the fact that I have to draw pictures for you to explain why this pisses me off, makes me want to leave your children fatherless -"

"God, Damon, _stop_!" Caroline yelled. "Rayna's gone, which means Stefan can come back!"

"Rayna's _not_ gone," Damon reminded the blonde vampire, "She went off to some realm that Bonnie had to create and subsequently link herself to, which we still don't know the consequences of, and need I remind you," he lifted the unconscious witch into his arms, "That she's currently rocking the pulse of an eighty year old _vegetable_!"

"I gave her some of my blood!" Caroline defended.

"Then why is she still playing dead?" Damon hissed. "Who's idea was it to let Bonnie get ideas like this any way? Jesus, I've been gone a week and this happens." He shifted her slight weight in his arms, almost as a reminder that she was even there at all. "Do you know how sick I am of watching this girl sleep?" Caroline and Alaric shared a confused glance. "Or more accurately, do you know how sick I am of Bonnie dancing with death so that we the rest of us can take her foreganted?"

"By the rest of us, you mean who? You tried to pull Tyler's head off of his shoulders a month ago, because of something he did three _years_ ago - so he's not around anymore. Matt is in denial about siding with Rayna to kill us, so I wouldn't say we've been inviting him over for brunch. Bonnie's been in the ward, Enzo's been up her skirt and well, Alaric and I have been trying to raise the girls and -"

"Pretend we're normal, even though the very nature of the girls is anything but." Caroline sort of smiled at that, averting her eyes before she listened in on the shift in Bonnie's heart.

"You better put her down, she's waking up." Damon scoffed.

"First of all, Stepford House-Bunny," she pulled a face, "I've been a vampire for literal decades longer than you, so I know what Bonnie's heart is doing, and second of all -"

"Put me down." Bonnie's voice was thick with disorientation, but hard nonetheless.

"No." Damon lifted his one arm, and as such, the one half of her body to mock salute Alaric and Caroline and turned on his heel and marched out. "I don't care if you're still mad at me, it never stopped me before. As long as you're here, and I'm here, I'm going to protect you."

"I don't _need_ you to -"

"Bullshit." He cut her off, "What you _need_ to work on," he quipped as he maneuvered around her legs to open the passenger door, while she petulantly crossed her arms, "Is ways to avoid me better. Tip number one," he placed her inside and slammed the door, appearing in the driver's seat next to her a heartbeat later, "Don't be unconscious." He started the engine and drove out of Alaric's driveway without looking back.

"Where are we going?" Bonnie growled as she sunk into the familiar plush leather seat. He looked over at her and smiled softly, irking her even more.

"Home."

* * *

As he slammed his boot shut, he looked over at her standing in front of the double doors of the Boarding House. After the Heretics kicked it and Valerie ghosted off after Stefan, no one had been inside of it since. So Damon had had it cleaned, renovated where necessary and was ready to go back to the way things should be. He knew they couldn't go back to the way things were, but it was nice to no longer want to, and he didn't; he was happy to just _be_ for a little while. Stefan could come home and figure out his love life, Enzo could have supervised visits and he and Bonnie could be in this house together again - it seemed perfect, at least for now.

"What are you thinking?" He asked as he walked up behind her, "Or are you still not talking to me?" When he came to stand beside her, he saw the single tear that had welled up in her eye, slide down her cheek quietly as she reached out to the door.

"Do you know why I missed you so much?" She asked softly.

"...Why?" She turned her wide eyes on him and he faltered.

"Because you and this house, I...Every bad thing I went through in here, made me stronger for it. You reminded me that I was worth saving on the other side, you reminded me that I was a conversation worth having - and all those memories are here, right behind this door." He heard the thud of her heart echo through her chest, "And now, after being away where I was and finally standing next to you, in front of this door -" Damon put the bags in his hands down and turned her to him.

"Bonnie. I tried the _Edward Cullen_ thing - leaving you to live what I thought would be a better life without me, but it didn't work and I really hated putting that decision ahead of what we both wanted; thinking it would be best for you, I hated myself for deciding to leave you, I hated myself when I saw the pain in your eyes, and I hate myself more now, knowing that I should have never decided for you. I really should have known better than thinking anything good could come from me making a decision for myself, let alone someone else that I love."

"You're not the only one who hated you for what you did. I hate you for what you leaving me put me through. Everything I felt as a result of not having that control over my loneliness, it brought up so many horrible things I was doing my best to pretend had never happened. But like everything else Damon, it made me stronger. But I know I can only say this because I have you back and I know that that probably doesn't even make me that strong, but I've never had the chance to need someone, not for a long time, and then I had you, and ... I just want to know if I do again?"

"Have me?" Damon echoed and watched her nod, almost shyly. "Bonnie from now on, it's not what hurts you, it's what hurts _us_." He closed more of the space between them, and closed his hands around her upper arms, "I know what makes us better now, I'm sorry you suffered because of my trial and error bullshit, but I know what I can live with. I thought living forever would help me justify you living a full life without me but I don't want that," Neither knew if he meant forever as well, "I want to live the years you have with you, I want to be the one to protect you, whether I'm the cause of danger or not, these doors, this house, you here, it has meaning for me too. How couldn't it? When it was just us on the other side I wanted nothing more than to put space between us, because you had everything it took to see right through me. And the more time we spent together, the more you did. And when we came back, with everything that happened there were times when I wished we were back in that alternate world. I could live with those consequences, I could be the one to fall on my sword if it meant being in this house with you on loop."

"But we're not in that world anymore, and forever never appealed to me." Bonnie pointed out, despite the thudding of her heart.

"I know that," Damon nodded fervently, "It's starting to lose it's flavour to me too, but the point is, I'm done pretending anything good comes from us being apart. I'm done letting you think that you aren't important to me. You're crucial, you're fundamental, you're my best friend and you're Bonnie Sheila Bennett. You're the one who gets an ending, okay? I'm the one who rips the spine out of anyone who tries to draw the curtains before you're ready."

* * *

A month later

"Caroline, stop." Bonnie huffed as they watched the girls play in the back garden of the Boarding House.

"Stop, what?" The blonde vampire huffed, dropping down the shades of her cat-eye sunglasses to stare drolly at her friend. "I'm not doing anything."

"Yes you have, you've been staring," Bonnie informed her, "A lot. Particularly at my face."

"No," Caroline wagged a finger, "I've been staring in general because I'm compiling a list of reasons Alaric should move the girls back here. It's quieter than before Stefan patrolled the woods and made love-me eyes at Elena for the first time."

"That's way too many odd things to bring up all in one sentence." Bonnie said with a chuckle. "But seriously, what is happening here? With you and Valerie and Stefan and Alaric and the girls? It's like an episode of some over the top soap opera right now."

"What? No -"

"Lot's of staring, glaring, loud sighing and whispering, it's like Christmas as a kid for me, really. Minus Grams spiking the already spiked egg-nog."

"She did have a heavy hand." Caroline sighed wistfully.

"And you're avoiding the question." Bonnie pointed a carrot stick at the vampire.

"Technically, so are you." The blonde defended.

"You didn't ask me anything."

"Because I didn't know I needed to until I got here!" Caroline whined, so much like her forever-teenage-self.

"Well, what's the question then?"

"What's happening with you and Damon?" Bonnie's eyes bulged and a loud laugh racked her frame. When she sobered, she steadied her voice and leaned in to the space between their wooden chairs.

"Now I know you're grasping at straws, so what happened? Do you love them both or are you just trying to hold onto your connection with the girls and whatever that comes with? I know you've always wanted a family."

"I know I have, and being so involved with the girls is pretty much the only thing that's kept me going for a long time now. And I mean, that's weird but I was so okay with it. But then I realised I had taken full patrol over this space in Alaric's life, it melded with us and the girls and this _thing_ came from it. And, does that mean I love Stefan less?..."

"Well?" Bonnie prompted.

"I don't know!" The witch jumped a little at the shriek.

"Well, it's a good thing you guys are staying for a few days, it gives us catch up time and time for you to get your head on straight about all of this mess." Bonnie wiggled her fingers at the girls as they giggled and raked up petals and leaves to toss in the air.

* * *

"So, how's it been having your original drinking buddy back?" Bonnie asked later that afternoon as she strained the pasta in the kitchen. Damon looked up from the saucepan and eyed her out.

"What are you and Blondie planning? It better not involve a banner and hand holding."

"No one's hosting an intervention," Bonnie laughed, "Or going to stand in the way of you and Alaric's bromance, all I was asking was how did it feel to have him back?"

"He's not going to move back here, if that's what the two of you are up to." Damon said, going back to attentively stirring the bright red pasta sauce. "So, I'd nip that one in the bud if I were you."

"That's going to disappoint her." Bonnie sighed as she wiped her hands clean and leaned against the marble counter, closer to Damon. "Like, a lot."

"Well, imagine losing every woman you've ever loved in one shithole town and then the vampire who carried your witch kids is all, 'oh, just move back, the neighbours are all gone or dead anyways, what's the harm'?" He pulled a bright smile and rolled his eyes.

"I get that, I do. I just...It would have been nice."

"What?" Damon turned to her fully. "I'm not good enough?" Her left eye narrowed at him.

"You kicked Enzo out -"

"You'd already broken up with him -"

"Matt is never around anymore -"

"That's because he's too busy blaming the world for still being here in Mystic Falls -"

"Stefan and I were never really that close anyways -"

"Thank _God_ -" She gave him a look.

"I just, I feel like we're doing this wrong, Damon."

"Doing what wrong?" He frowned down at her.

"Living." She shot her arms out, "It just feels like we're waiting. I feel like we've made our own damn Prison World with the way we've been going about everything."

"You want change?" Damon asked.

"I'd _love_ some change." Bonnie groaned.

"Then let's have some change. Tomorrow morning we're flying somewhere you've never been."

"I've never been anywhere but back in time." Bonnie mused.

"Bennett Witch Problems." He teased. "Your supernatural prowess has spoiled you." She rolled her eyes. "And don't bother packing, we can just buy what we need when we're wherever we are."

"Uh, not all of us are vampires who narrowly avoided being outed by the Panama Papers for our ridiculous net worth."

"I'm so glad you got a handle on your visions, they've really come in handy." He grinned. "And you know I'll pay for it, you want change, we'll get change." He pursed his lips and shrugged, yelling out to their friends that dinner was ready.

* * *

Bali

"What do you think?" Damon asked as he watched Bonnie's eyes reflect the sunset.

"I, I -" she threw her hands out, speechless.

"It is beautiful this time of year." He agreed.

"Damon, this sky is perfection." She tucked some of her hair behind her ear, and he marvelled at how her curls had returned, how her skin had warmed and regained it's luminescence. It had taken a solid twenty minutes of arguing before she'd acquiesced to only wearing a bikini. He'd promised not to ogle, but she'd failed to inform him that she had a phenomenal body - it would have been rude to not at least have a look. "Stop." She hit the side of his arm.

"I wasn't," She raised a finger, "-going to stare for that _long_." He finished with a wolfish grin. She hadn't seen that smile on him in such a long time that his deviance was instantly forgotten in the wake of his happiness.

"...Thank you." She said earnestly as she lifted her gaze up to him, avoiding his torso altogether. "I was scared of getting into a rut back home, and this is so much more than I expected from going overseas for the first time."

"This is me starting you off easy," Damon winked, "Wait until you see Rome, the Seychelles, Kenya, Egypt or Tokyo."

"We're going there?" Bonnie gasped. Damon pulled her to his side.

"The meek inherit the Earth Bonfire, but you and I, we don't want it forever, but at the very least, we should know what we're leaving behind." She looked into his eyes and was sure there was some kind of hidden meaning, but in that moment it didn't matter. In that moment she had her best friend. She had her happiness, on the tips of her fingers. She had peace and adventure, all in one day. She didn't want to savour anything, but she wanted to know every flavour and Damon understood that - seemed almost vicarious as he watched her take it all in for the first time. She'd been loved by him for some time now, but never like this, and the flux between then and now was overwhelming - but she'd never back down from the Apocalypse all those times before - why would she shy away from Paradise?

* * *

 **Note** : I was hoping to make this a long-ass one-shot, but I guess I just didn't have it in me. I was going to get some feedback on this and do it right, but as usual editing and all that escaped me. I wrote this all in one go and as you can tell by the title this is about how I want Bamon to end. Am I going in the right direction? Are Bamon arguments a thing of the past? Where is Elena's coffin and does this still have a massive impact on the living and the undead?

If you like it, let me know with a review and I'll start on the next installment.

I'm currently working on _The Arsonist's Lullabye_ , _Without Elena_ and _Pretty When You Cry_.

Stay excellent XO


	2. Paradise

**Note:** Two years, lol

Song inspiration: _Rewind - Kelela_

* * *

Paradise.

Paradise, with Damon.

...

Bonnie had been in her fair share of precarious situations, but, there were apparently still a handful of scenarios she was ill-equipped to handle.

Being drunk and horny was one of them.

She tried to focus on the sounds of the live music surrounding them in the packed restaurant, the people, the food. _Anything_ else.

They were in Havana.

"That face," Damon noted as they slumped back down into their seats with wide grins, "Explain that face."

"Which face?" Bonnie gasped, blush deepening with the colours of the setting sun. Both of them were peppered with perspiration and loose clothing.

"Bonnie your _face_ ," Damon laughed, with an accusatory finger, "Your very familiar face is looking slightly less familiar with that _particular_ expression."

"I don't know what you're talking about." Bonnie said, popping a grape into her mouth with a wide eyed innocence.

Damon narrowed his eyes at her, brow quirking at the responding thud of her heart. Inwardly, she berated his heightened senses.

"Do you want to leave?" He pressed on, "If you're tired."

"I'm not tired."

"More food?" She looked down at her plentiful plate. "Louder music?" Damon carried on guessing with a crooked grin as his gaze probed her for any thread of evidence to his hunch.

"Damon, this," she emphasised, rolling her eyes when he let out a loud 'ha!' for being on to something, "Is more of a _girl_ -thing."

"No it's not," he quipped thoughtlessly, "you already had your period." She stared at him drolly.

"Remember how we spoke about boundaries and your eyes glazed over even as you _insisted_ you were paying attention?" Bonnie asked, leaning across the small table to him.

"Let me guess," Damon sighed, "You menstruating without my commentary was one of them?"

"I love that you can quote me verbatim and still ignore everything I say." Bonnie sighed, smiling into the mouth of her wine glass.

"And I love that you will use any means necessary to deflect from the fact that you are horny as hell right now." Bonnie blanched. "Also, can I just say, that I wouldn't qualify horniness as a 'girl' thing-"

"Please stop talking." Bonnie managed to grind out as her embarrassment darkened her hue immensely. She finished her glass of wine and hurriedly flagged down their waitress. "Another bottle, please." Damon's brows rose. "Thank you."

"What's going on?" Damon leaned across the table and tilted his head.

"I don't want to talk to you about sex and my body and my body and sex." Bonnie defended while tripping over her words and waving her hands around wildly, _much_ to his amusement.

"What," Damon looked affronted, even splayed one of his hands over his un-dead heart, "So we're only best friends when the world is coming to an end?"

"Damon," Bonnie dropped her voice to try and enunciate around the ridiculous logic he was spewing so she'd talk about sex with him. "You're being ridiculous. You don't have to know everything."

"I know _that_ ," he chuckled as the bottle of wine was delivered and deposited in the ice bucket between them."But I _want_ to know everything."

"Why?" Her heart skipped at his responding smirk.

"Because nothing does it for me, quite like getting under your skin." For a moment she could do nothing but gape at him.

"Oh my _god_." She drawled when realisation hit her.

"...What?" Damon's brow lifted.

"You totally heard me masturbate on the Other Side." The witch hisses from between her teeth.

"You weren't exactly quiet."

" _Oh my god_ -"

"At all-"

"Do you think if I summon the version of you that first came to Mystic Falls looking for Katherine he'd kill me out of boredom, because I'd really like to be dead right now-"

"He didn't kill you then," Damon pointed out, "And he certainly won't _now_. A part of me has always wanted to lob my own head off-"

"Damon what the hell?" Bonnie snapped under her breath, "Why did you never say anything?"

"And, what? Deal with the version of you that doesn't get off at all?" He blew air out of his cheeks, "Un-fucking-likely."

"Oh my god," The witch fretted with a groan.

"Yeah, that's kind of what it sounded like."

"I am going to strangle you." He chortled as he poured her another glass of wine.

"Why is this such an issue for you?" Damon wondered, genuinely curious.

"Sex? In the context of conversation with my best friend's boyfriend?"

"Stop doing that," Damon pointed at her, "Layering yourself with non-factors to try and hide shit from me."

"I've never really talked about it!" Bonnie admitted in a rush.

"...Like, ever?"

" _Ever_. My dad died thinking I was asexual, my Grams only spoke to me about magic and as you know, Abby-"

"Is irrelevant." Damon concluded for her. "Okay, so you covered the basics at school, right?" Bonnie's eyes turned to slits and she looked at him, her face reading: duh.

"Damon, I know the logistics and I've _had_ sex,"

"With Jeremy," Damon scoffed, "And _Enzo_..."

"We're not talking about Enzo." Bonnie warned and Damon raised his hands.

"Fine by me," he said plainly, "My point is that, if you want to have sex...you should have sex."

"Okay I want to have sex!" Bonnie exclaimed, squeaking and covering her mouth when she caught the attention of a couple at a nearby table. Damon did a double take when the couple's eyes lingered on him and Bonnie and he pulled a face to deter them.

"Cool," Damon went on, looking back at a once-again mortified Bonnie with a calming smile, "I need to feed anyway."

"Oh," Bonnie nodded, taking another sip, "Sure."

"...You're okay with that?" He asked, noting the hesitance he saw in her eyes.

"Damon, you'd die without it, I've made peace with what you are years ago," she waved off his concern. "Let's go get our rocks off!" She cheered.

"I wouldn't call it that-"

"Luckily I'm not trying to sleep with _you_." Bonnie said with a wagging finger, looking out to the sea of people before she caught his expression.

* * *

They went to a nightclub sometime after. Bonnie was still in her loose, patterned summer dress and strappy heels while Damon simply compelled the bouncer who'd snorted and told the vampire his outfit didn't match the club's requirements.

"I don't wanna hear it." Damon said as he led Bonnie inside and she clicked her tongue but said nothing, letting him guide her inside with a hand at the small of her back. "Also, I'm getting you some water."

"Thanks, dad." Bonnie threw over her shoulder as she looked out to the dance floor.

"Bon," Damon's tone made her turn and she rolled her eyes at the concern in his.

"Damon, I don't think being drunk is going to un-tether the tie I have over wherever I sent Reyna, it would have done that when we were in Cape Town, remember? When I threw up on Kloof Street?"

"I made you drink water then, and I'm making you drink water now."

"Okay." Bonnie patted his cheek. "I love you, too."

* * *

Bonnie had gone to the centre of the dance floor, insisting that the song she'd never heard before was her favourite.

He watched her with a small smile on his face as she lifted her hands and delved into the thrumming of the music that seemed to engulf her motions.

"Someone like you, standing alone at a bar?" A husky, accented voice called to his attention, "I don't believe it."

"Let me guess," Damon replied, still keeping his eye on Bonnie. "I'm too handsome."

"That, and also...what kind of a douche bag takes up space at a bar when he's clearly not about to order anything?" Damon grinned at that, and turned to see who he was talking to. He faltered for a moment at how beautiful she was.

"Margot." The woman said, tucking a curl of her ringletted chocolate hair behind her ear. She had deep brown skin and even darker eyes. She was a little taller than him, with a slim figure she wrapped in a red, silk, strapped dress.

"Damon."

"Hm, Damon." She repeated, leaning into him as she flagged down a bar tender and ordered a beer.

"I have literally never met anyone as beautiful as you." Damon said, laughing along with her, "I know that sounds like a line, but, Jesus, have you stopped looking at mirrors altogether, or does it just not occur to you anymore?"

"The beauty you're referring to, only occurs to those around me."

Damon pulled air between his teeth, "That's a cop-out, everyone knows the way people see you, affects the way you see yourself, whether that empowers you or not."

"And how do people see you?" Margot wondered, Damon's eyes drifted to where Bonnie's mouth was locked onto another clubgoer's. He was taller than her, must have lifted her onto his feet, curly, didn't-bother surfer hair and tanned skin. Well, at least it wasn't Enzo.

"Depends on who you're asking."

"I'm asking you." She smiled, sipping daintily on her drink.

"Let's just say I wish all this," he gestured shamelessly to his body, "Ran a little deeper."

"Maybe it does." She shrugged.

"Is there a balcony or somewhere we can talk?"Damon wondered as a couple stumbled into him in their haste to get another round of drinks.

"No, but there are bathrooms we can go to." Her eyes shone with danger. Damon felt for a second that _she_ was the vampire, as he followed dutifully after the swing of her hips to the nearest flat surface.

* * *

Bonnie felt the pendant on her chest warm a little, meaning Damon was feeding. She smiled into the kiss she was sharing with the nameless-no-brainer who'd spotted her on the dance floor and beckoned her with a sinful smirk.

She'd spelled the pendant some time ago and tethered it to Damon's daylight ring, meaning, if he was in danger, she would know. Or like now, if he was vamping out (which also usually meant danger) she would know. Having your best friend be the most reckless vampire this side of his sire, meant she had her hands full with him on a good day. Bonnie pacified him by also spelling it to go both ways, so if she was in trouble, he would know.

It seemed excessive considering how rarely they were out of one another's sight; but there were too many nuances to their supernatural lives for them to truly feel as though they were in the clear. So, in this small way, they were constantly bonded - for the argument of safety and safety alone. But, knowing Damon was likely to be miles ahead of her in their plan to relieve her of the tightness in her stomach, meant she had some catching up to do.

"Do you wanna get out of here?" She asked, before she lost her nerve. The guy looked surprised, pleasantly so, until his face faltered.

"This is going to sound like the biggest cop-out, but, I just got out of a relationship," the crowd cheered as a popular song came on, "an awful one, and I can't really, I don't know-"

"Oh-"

"I mean if I was going to try for anyone, shit, it'd be you-"

"Don't worry about it-" She was backtracking out of this conversation than he was at this point.

"I'm sorry-"

"I'm sorry about what happened-" Bonnie smiled and patted his chest, disappearing herself into the crowd as he called out after her.

* * *

Sitting by the bar, she watched as Damon stepped into view, his eyes immediately scanning the dance floor where she'd been. His nostrils flared to inhale and his eyes snapped onto her face and relief flooded his gaze. Bonnie's smile stretched until she saw a dark arm slide through the crook of Damon's as a woman appeared beside him.

They walked slowly to Bonnie through the throng of people and Bonnie knew she was trying and failing to keep a straight face. The woman, obviously a model, was drop-dead gorgeous. By the time Damon made it to her, the witch had settled on glugging down her drink instead of trying to communicate through the maelstrom of emotions riddling her brain in that instant.

"Margot, this is Bonnie, Bonnie this is Margot."

"Hi," Bonnie offered her hand.

"It's nice to meet you." Margot said, shaking her hand and winking at Damon.

"Damon, I," Bonnie smiled as they both looked to her, god, she thought, beautiful people must just call to one another like wolves in the night. "I think I'm gonna go?"

"Oh?" They both said.

"I just, yeah,"

"Are you?-"

"Damon, I'm okay. Promise." She assured him, with a pat to his chest.

"Could, you? Give us a second?" Damon didn't even wait for an answer.

"Damon, I'm serious. I'm fine." Bonnie said, while he focused on ushering them into a corner where he could see that for himself.

"What happened with the guy?"

"Nothing." Bonnie stammered, wincing as she shut her eyes for a beat. "Like, literally," she laughed hollowly, looking up at him. " _Nothing_. He just got out of a relationship."

"Oh my _god_ , Bonnie." Damon exhaled, before frowning. "How the hell do you find these people?"

"I don't know." Bonnie growled with her face in her hands. Straightening out she looked back at him. "I'll get a taxi back to the hotel, I'm not ruining your night." Bonnie looked over his shoulder. "Fuck...She's like - I mean, _wow_."

"I know right, it's nuts." Damon agreed. "But if you're going home, so am I."

"Why?"

"Because I might lose a night of sleep wondering what other positions I could-"

"Oh great, Gross Damon is back,"

" _But_ , letting my best friend go home alone when she's in the middle of one of the most normal crises of her life, is not something I'm gonna live with."

"Besides, you already had sex with her."

"Exactly." Damon beamed. "Let's go home."

* * *

As they climbed into the car, Damon took Bonnie's hand and didn't let it go the entire ride back while she stared out the window.

He listened to the rhythm of her heart, the way there'd be a quicker shift between beats when he circled his thumb on her skin.

She listened to his breathing, noting that it perfectly matched hers.

They didn't say a single word.

* * *

Later, Bonnie was sitting out on the balcony, wrapped in one of Damon's shirts when he came out to sit beside her.

"I have to say something." Damon said without any of his usual preamble.

"Go on."

"I know I practically pushed myself between you and Enzo back home," Bonnie swallowed, "First Bonnie, I'll be honest, my motives were purely selfish. He wasn't good enough for you, and it was physically painful watching you two pretend otherwise."

"But then," He cleared his throat and looked out ahead at the full moon hanging heavily in the sky between all the stars. "Something occurred to me." Bonnie's pendant shimmered and neither of them noticed, too focused on what they knew was coming from her mouth.

"I didn't love him, Damon." Bonnie looked down at her hands as her fingers twisted in her lap. "I know that's what you were going to say, and you're right. I didn't and I did my best trying to convince myself that I did. Or more accurately, that I could love _anyone_ after...you."

There was a long moment of silence.

"I think we've established that I'm a goddamn novice at all of this, but something I was hoping I'd never have to say is what happened after you left me." She looked at him for a moment before diverting her attention back to her hands. "I know it was only for three years, but I didn't know that that's all it was going to be when you left. For me it was permanent, and yet," A bitter smile curled her lip, "I found myself waiting any way. Because I fucking loved you, I loved you the only way I knew how - with _everything_ I had." She locked eyes with him at that. "And that wrecked me. Because I knew you knew, and you left anyway."

"Bonnie,"

"So...I tried to love Enzo, and the first thing you fucking do is take that from me." Bonnie wiped quickly at a tear that surprised them both with it's presence.

"Because it wasn't _right_." Damon emphasised.

"And _this_ is?" Bonnie bit back. "Me being alone and you waiting for the girl with a face you've loved longer than I'll ever live, _that's_ right? All this, still sitting between us? That's what you fucking _prefer_?" Bonnie was upright, with her body turned to him. "When you say you love me, do you think it means the same thing when I say it to you?"

"...What do _you_ mean when you say it?" Damon managed to ask.

"All I'm saying, Damon, is that despite everything, I've never stood in your way, ever. Even tonight; I would have happily left by myself, but you and I both know if the roles were reversed, you would have ripped that heartbroken boy's heart out on a whim. And yes, what I did to Enzo was wrong, and I can't believe I became the person capable of actually breaking someone's heart, but that's a part of who I am now. Just like whatever you're hiding in that head of yours," she tapped a finger to his temple, "is a part of who you are. Who you love is a part of who you are, Damon, and how you love them is very telling...and having the nerve to lie about it, too? Well that's just asking for a forest fire."

Bonnie stood to her feet, walked around him and made her way to her bedroom.

She knew the morning would be a whole other conversation, but she also knew that she needed to get into bed before the urge to just kiss him overwhelmed her.

* * *

 **A/N:** Where should Bamon go next? I'm thinking France? Reviews are cups of hot chocolate (we're going into winter here _and_ I'm on my period -_- bleh)


	3. Apparition

**Note** : Well, would you look at that, hasn't even been a month. Unedited.

* * *

Dawn was about to break when Damon moved from where Bonnie had left him.

He'd been thinking.

" _When you say you love me_ ," she'd said, " _do you think it means the same thing when I say it to you?_ "

Of course not. When someone like Bonnie Bennett loves, it comes from a place he could only ever imagine. A place he'd begun to yearn after. A place where she was happy and whole, a woman unmarred by the underworld that had subsumed him. A place he would not be allowed entrance, should not be allowed entrance, or the place itself would cease to exist - or worse, become something else.

Damon knew.

He knew exactly what he left behind when he chose to desiccate.

He'd just had no fucking idea what he'd taken _with_ him.

Seeing the look in her eyes, still, when she spoke about it.

It made him hate himself anew.

Made him understand things he would have chosen to live another whole life not knowing.

Which, in itself was _so_ Bonnie Bennett.

She made him see not only the consequences of his actions, but his fear; every route of every vein that froze stiff at the call of his decision-making. She made him see himself as someone who could be unmade, removed from everything he knew, with the hopes of an unknown future. Damon Salvatore was a man who preferred a straight path, his knack for the element of surprise notwithstanding, he'd just always known what he can and cannot live without. It was the variables that took on a life of their own, it was the variables that brewed chaos and crime.

He knew that love was his goal. That he chose forever with his brother. That Katarina Petrova was to be who awaited him in the eternal afterlife. He'd done his damnedest to stay on that path - literally. A part of him, one that grew larger every day, knew that Elena, his pursuing of Elena at all costs, was him sticking to the path that had been animating him all along. He wasn't willing to find out who he was outside of that.

But now it had come the time to take stock of his efforts, and their outcomes. It was time to reconsider his goals, and why he'd spent this long seeing his life as a series of achievements, and not say, milestones and memories. He'd been doing it all wrong, and it took almost losing Bonnie Bennett, forever, to make him _feel_ that.

Seeing Bonnie mourn him, made him realise how far removed their relationship had come from saving Elena's life, 'seeing another day' or standing their ground in the supernatural world. Seeing her mourn him, made him realise that there were things beyond his antiquated quest, beyond his control, that had changed him irrevocably. These self same things, have also shown him that an entire world had been laid to waste in his ignorance, his narrow-mindedness, and truthfully - his idiocy.

And of all these things that had developed despite him, or to spite him, the one he could not stand to lose had just left him standing staring blankly after her again. Keeping Bonnie safe was one thing. Keeping Bonnie away from Mystic Falls as long as she wanted was another. Keeping Bonnie Bennett for himself?

He'd been doing that for some time; since he'd had her all to himself when it was just them in the Prison World. He'd never been conscious enough of it, to make a point of stopping it until Enzo. God, that entire situation had been a mess.

Damon stood at the foot of her doorway and narrowed his eyes at her form.

"I know you're awake." He says quietly.

"Then stop standing there." She replies.

"I'm still trying to figure out what my options are?"

"What have you got so far?" She lifts herself up, resting on her elbows as she blinked back at him. He could tell she was tired; tired of him, tired of wanting to cry, tired of missing out on her own life.

"Well," Damon slowly made his way over, "may I?" he asked, only sitting beside her after she nodded. He tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and then clasped his hands together, trying his best to focus on what he wanted to say. "I don't even know where to start when it comes to you, honestly, I never have. That's why I forewent logic and just stayed pissing you off to avoid any kind of conversation that would bring people like us together." He tilted his head and looked at her as the sky brightened her room slowly with the rising sun. "Bonnie, I left because I didn't know how much I meant to you. I always knew you loved me, but I never knew what that meant when it came to someone like me. Plus, you could love anyone if you put your mind to it, I know you. You're constantly seeing the good where there is none, and you seeing it Bonnie, you seeing that place of hope, that's what plants it there. I want you to know that."

"So...you're 'good' because of me?" Her tone made his upper lip quirk up at the sarcasm. She sits up.

"I'm sure as hell different," Damon pointed out, "I know I still sleep around, and I'm a drunken mess on a good day, but I'm _dealing_. My girlfriend is taking the world's longest nap because I want you to not have to have that shit over your shoulder for the rest of your life." Damon sighed heavily. "I know I gave you hell, it's what I do, but I can't do that to you anymore, I can't be that person. That old, bitter bastard who waited 200 years to realise he wasn't good enough." He looked down at her hand that was closest to him, and took it in his, watching their fingers twine as he spoke.

"He had so much to be mad about," Damon shrugged, "With Elena where she is, and us where we are, and my brother and Caroline and Mystic Falls long behind us, I can't help but wonder what I'm holding onto anymore. But his story is finished. It has to be."

"So where does that leave you?" They both heard the underlying question: where does that leave _us_?

"I don't know." Damon looked back up at her with a startling smile. "Isn't that amazing?"

"You look horrified." Bonnie noted with a small curl of her mouth.

"Because I lived a hella,"

"Don't say hella-"

"-Singular life before you." Damon finished. "I really did. One path. One goal. All that Shakespearean shit."

"Yes I know," Bonnie nodded, "I was there."

"Exactly. And now we're here. And I want you to know that things are different."

"I-"

"I'm not done." He squeezed her hand gently in his. "Things are different for me too. You know I love you." A brow rose. "And not always the way you're supposed to love someone when you have a girlfriend." He smiled sadly, "I would ask myself if the reason the way I felt about you was so overwhelming because it caught me so off-guard, or if it was simply because I'd never really felt anything outside of the love that had kept me upended in that hideous cycle for so many years."

"And before you ask, I'm still not sure of the answer, but I am sure of this." He turned his body towards her and Bonnie watched the corners of Damon's eyes crinkle as he tried to reign in his smile, the sky turning blush as the sun rose. "I love you, Bonnie Bennett. I'm not sure if that's an apology for what I put you through, or for what I did to you and Enzo, or all the small ways I've been breaking your heart trying to figure out what to do with my feelings for you and everything that that comes with, but I love you. And, I don't want to lie about it anymore, not to myself, to you, or anyone who asks. I don't want to start forest fires anymore, I don't want the world to burn so that I can have what I want. I just want to see where this takes me. I want to see where this takes us."

"You sure you're not just using me to get close to the memory of Elena?" Bonnie asked.

"I would never do that to you."

"And you're tired of sleeping with random women?" The witch pressed on.

"Exhausted."

"And you'll be totally fine if I say I want us to be friends?"

"You'll have to spend the rest of your life pulling my away from cliffs, bridges and highways, but sure."

"Damon, what are you asking me?"

"I'm asking you, with everything we've been through, everything we've accomplished as Supernatural Bad-Asses, besties and confidantes...if you'll go on a date with me in Paris?"

"Paris?" Bonnie's mouth fell open. "We're going to Paris?"

"Sure, I love it there." He shrugged. "Plus you've never been...so?"

Her voice drops to a whisper.

"What if I get nervous?" He copies her whispering and leans in a little.

"Then my incessant rambling will cover your tracks."

"What if I'm a terrible kisser?"

"Doubtful. We could practice if you want?" He smiles at her deliberation. Bonnie's face grows serious.

"What if...I can never move past _our_ past?"

"Then we put all of it behind us, including tonight, and we do whatever makes you happy, regardless of what it means for me."

"My heart's racing." She admits.

"I know, it's making hyper-aware of you. In a good way."

"Are you sure? What if we're still angry at each other on the inside?"

"I'm not mad at you. I never was."

"Then I'm still mad at you. What then?"

"We talk it out."

"Impulsive you is giving me heart palpitations."

"You're adorable."

"I'm terrified."

"Me too." They hold one another's gaze.

"Damon?" He hums back at her in question when she catches his mouth with hers. A soft sound accents the quick kiss, and his stomach twists at the feel of her small hands cupping the sides of his face. "Let's go to Paris." Bonnie says with a bright smile before he catches her lips again and pulls her onto his lap. She's still only in his shirt and his hands skim up her thighs as their mouths glide over and under each other. "Wait." He freezes and she untangles herself from him, his hands off of her hips, her legs off of his thighs. Standing in front of him, blushing and shaking she asks. "Is it okay if I fall in love with you in the morning?"

"I'll be right next door."

* * *

When Bonnie dreams she sees Elena.

"... _Sit_." The girl says with a laugh at Bonnie's hesitance. They're back in the Gilbert girl's bedroom, and it's sunny with dancing motes fluttering around them as Elena holds out her hands. "I miss you."

"Is this real?"

"I dunno." Elena shrugs. "Does it matter?"

"I'm not sure." Bonnie said with a small sigh. "I miss you, too."

"I know." Elena gets a faraway look in her eyes. "I feel it often."

"Do you think it's because of the link?"

"No, I'm going to credit our unbreakable bond." Elena grins, and Bonnie's posture loosens at the sight. "So, what have I missed?"

" _Everything_ ," Bonnie breaths with heavy emotion, "of course nothing is the same, but, I think the worst part is that we're able to stomach it."

"Bon," Elena cups her cheek with her hand, "mourning me means moving on, you know that? You've lost enough to know that."

"I don't want to get used to this feeling," Bonnie admits with tears in her eyes, "I don't want to be desensitised to the people that stayed after I lost everything, the people that would have stayed if they'd had the choice."

"Bon," Elena pulls her into a hug, "The fact that you get to live after all this, is what makes it worth it to me."

"I doubt the day will come when I'll be able to say the same."

"Well, lucky for you, you still have Caroline and Stefan and Damon to remind you how important you are. And while I'll always be your favourite," they share a shaky laugh, "I know that you have them as a family now, and that makes me happy. That makes me more than happy. It makes me-"

Elena's form burst into a sea of golden light, that shimmered and swam before dispersing into nothing.

"Oh my god." Bonnie gaped, "Elena, _Elena_!"

* * *

When they arrived at the airport, Damon had spent their entire drive there just staring at Bonnie, waiting for her to say something.

She hadn't. When she'd fallen asleep she'd gone still, so still he'd surreptitiously checked in on her to make sure she hadn't been soul-snatched to a different dimension. She hadn't pulled her hand away when he'd reached for it, so he took that as a win.

But her entire demeanour had shifted and he wasn't sure what that meant in the framework of their conversation last night. When she leaned into him on the flight and fell asleep, he took that as another chip of ice off of the block, and wondered how long it would take for her to be open to his questions.

He'd booked them into the Mandarin Oriental. It was close to the Louvre, Tuileries Garden, which he knew she'd adore as well as the Place de la Concorde. Once they'd gotten the obligatory selfies out of the way, it was time for their date. But he knew what Bonnie was like by now when she landed in a new city, she wanted a bottle of wine, something sickly sweet and a long bath and an cult movie from the late eighties.

"I ordered you some macarons and instructed them to begin drawing a bath while we booked in, I'm going to have a drink downstairs because it's been _hours_ ," he drawled with frustration, "and then I'll come pester you into cuddling with me while we watch Heathers." He pulled off of her coat as they stepped into the ostentatious suite and she turned slowly to lift her eyes to his.

"Thank you." She said sweetly. Then, surprised him by kissing him soundly on the mouth. He stood still while he tried to gauge her thinking, but all sense left him when she pushed him against the wall. A low groan filled his chest as she bit into his lip while he grabbed her ass and lifted her up into his hold. Now she was slammed into the wall and her gasping breaths were urging him to keep grinding into her as he was. The flight had been tense and long and had left both of their bodies wired and twisted up tightly for a furious release, but when Bonnie's trailing fingers felt veins around his eyes she pulled away.

"Go feed." She said, kissing him slowly, her nails raking through his hair, "Quickly, so you can hurry back."

"Can't I make you come first?" Damon offered, kissing a wet trail down her neck. "You'll enjoy your bath so much more, I can guarantee it."

"That so?" She'd barely gotten the words out of her mouth when he'd switched their positions; she was pressed up against the wall, legs spread her her behind pressed into him. He exhaled loudly when she pushed against him. He leaned into her and lifted the hem of her dress, his hand sliding down the flat of her stomach to where he expected to find underwear. She wasn't wearing any and his other hand tightened around the curve of her waist in his arousal.

"Of course you forgot to wear underwear." He growled into her ear.

"Consider it an apology for my behaviour earlier."

"Forgiven," Damon managed to grunt as she ground into him, "you're completely forgiven." Using his fingers, he returned the favour of the delicious friction she was using to level the playing field between his offer and her 'apology'.

" _Fuck_." She hissed, palms flat against the embellished wall in front of her. " _Damon_."

"Just hearing you say my name like that is checking off so many things from my to-do list from the Prison World."

"What else did you imagine doing to her while Elena waited for you back in reality?"

Enzo's voice cut through the moment with deadly precision.

"What?" Enzo laughed. "This isn't anything I haven't seen."

"Yeah, but clearly consent wasn't a part of this equation or you'd have rethought you're grand entrance." Bonnie snapped as she righted her clothing.

"That's the thing I love about Paris," The intruding vampire went on as though no one had spoken, "One of the reasons I wanted to bring you here in fact, remember?" Damon frowned at Bonnie, who crossed her arms and averted her eyes from Enzo for a moment. "Anything goes."

"What do you want?" Damon demanded, flustered and leaning toward bloodlust now.

"An apology for a start. But a simple honest explanation will do."

"How long have you been following us?" Bonnie asked.

"Long enough to know there's still time." Enzo said, turning his sombre gaze onto his ex-girlfriend.

" _Still time?_ " Damon echoed, "for what, exactly?"

"For things to go back the way they should be," Enzo nodded to himself as he spoke, "you and Elena back in your respective coffins, and Bonnie, living a full life outside of your tragic mess you call a living, that you dare to call _love_."

"And you know _what_ about love?" Damon spat. Neither of them noted the glowing of Bonnie's pendant.

"I know that you'll lose love as anything you can turn it into to get what you want," Enzo shot back, "you'll do anything to forget who you really are, Damon Salvatore, and I won't let you drag Bonnie to hell with you. I _won't_."

"I'm not a _child_ ," Bonnie burst, "How dare you speak on my behalf how dare you-"

"And how dare you lie and say you love me when you knew how impossible that was after him. How stupid do you think I am?"

"Enzo,"

" _No_!" The vampire barked at her, delirious with emotion. "It was never supposed to end the way it did between us, but all I know is that I'm still in your corner, Bonnie, and I can tell you right now, that Damon is _not_."

"And you'd know so much about either of them, wouldn't you?" Another voice presented itself.

"... _Elena_?" Bonnie managed to stammer.

* * *

 **A/N:** There were some mixed feelings in the reviews for the last chapter, which I love because it was very much a comparative chapter between my logic and what I feel to have been canon in the show itself, and what manifested from that as I moved the characters away from that narrative. Let me know what you think of this one, will ya?

Stay excellent XO


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